Chinglish Shirts – Always Be Ready

It is vital to always have a camera ready and at hand in China . Cell phone cameras are even better to have in order to obscure your photo taking . This is not to be a perv and creep around , but to capture the sheer genius of Chinglish shirts. Chinese people wear obscene shirts with twisted messages on them , totally oblivious to the meaning of the English words , all the time. You must be ready!

Alas , today , I was not ready . I cannot show you a snapshot of the girl who walked by me wearing an “Abortion Clinic Staff” t-shirt. I am shamed.

To make up for it , I will show you a picture my better prepared friend , Steve , took in Taiwan.

Freedom (sic) Renegaes
Wacko Mania
Guilty Panties

It starts out innocently enough , with a silly typo and a cool sounding “Freedom Renegaes”

Wacko Mania , nice! This girl is totally hip!

Before completely devolving into the bizarre “Guilty Panties”

WHOA!

Where were they going with this one?

Getting Out of China for the National Holiday Hassle

With October 1st (China’s national week-long golden holiday) rapidly approaching , it was time to buy flight tickets two months ago.

I’ve been stuck in the country since February’s Cambodia trip ,and my poor blue backpack is moaning from the closet , various Lonely Planet guidebooks are constantly rattling the bookshelves, and I’ve got an intense itch in my soul (maybe I should get that checked out?) . I want  need to get out on the road. Sure there are lots of places within China that I need to see still but the genius of giving everyone in the most populous nation of Earth time off at the same time is pure chaos. Forget trying to travel in China. I can see lines and experience a crowd jostling for position almost anytime I like. The only problem with trying to get out of China is the airlines are wise , and prices skyrocket accordingly.

It’s also a bit harder for me to travel now since I can’t leave the Chinese girlfriend back in the mainland. For those of us with coveted American , fancy European Union, and ASEAN passports , we can easily forget how hard it is for nationals of less prosperous countries to get around.

Our original intentions were for a week-long trip to Taiwan , starting from Taipei and working our way south to visit my American friend doing the whole TEFL thing in Tainan. China considers Taiwan a part of it , right? Should be easy for Chinese to visit , right? Get ready for it …… WRONG!

First up we would have to visit the city of Nanjing where my girlfriend’s household registration permit is stored at her university. The university is closed on the weekends so this entails taking Friday off. The household registration permit must be taken to the Entry Exit Administration to receive a travel to Taiwan permit. This is no big deal , a bit of a hassle but easily done. However, then an Taiwan entry permit must be applied for with a tour group. If you go with a tour group this isn’t so hard but will still cost nearly $200 USD. Now I’m not a fan of tour groups and I despise Chinese tour groups. I do not want to crowd in a bus with a bunch of spitting , smoking , loud middle-aged people , herded off the bus , and given 2 minutes to snap some photos before being forced back onto the bus to go “see” another site. I want to travel at my own pace , do my own things , make my own itinerary , and see my friends.

Tour companies can, however, get a permit for a solo Chinese traveler to visit Taiwan. With fingers crossed we began the process of trying to find out some information. Some tour agencies in Shanghai turned us down saying since my girlfriend’s household registration is in Nanjing we would have to use a Nanjing based company. Hmm , ok. Calling Nanjing tour companies left us devastated as we would have to prove my girlfriend makes 120,000 rmb / year ( nowhere close) , showing proof of household ownership (hah!) , and/or having 50,000 rmb in a bank account that will be frozen until her return to the mainland (no way).

We put Taiwan plans out of our minds. Impossible. Now the mad scramble to find a destination began.

“Holy Sh**!” ” All the tickets are in the $600-900 range for each round trip ticket to most of Asian destinations. Even Manila , which I’ve paid $380 roundtrip was hitting $650. One diamond shining in the rough was a roundtrip to Seoul , South Korea at $350.

Guess what the problem is?

Uh-oh developed wealthy country makes it tough for her to get a visa. It seemed actually possible (unlike Taiwan) but we weren’t guaranteed the visa. We needed to buy a ticket somewhere now or else we weren’t going anywhere.

Whoa awesome deal (compared to other places during October 1st Holiday) popping up on Orbitz , $559 to Bangkok! Let’s do it!

*Click Book Flight*

Screen flashes back ” Sorry due increased demand at this time these seats are not currently available.” “This current flight is now $800”.

We tried place after place , combination after combination of different departure times , and finally settled on a $600 flight to Hanoi, Vietnam. I wait too long every single Chinese holiday and each time have chosen my destination based on the least expensive ticket. In order for this to be the least expensive ticket , it’s usually the most inconvenient , sometimes downright awful , combinations of flight times. For example , we arrive in Hong Kong at my 9:40 pm on the 1st and make the connecting flight to Vietnam at 4:00 pm on the 2nd. Giving us an 18 hour lay-over in Hong Kong. This isn’t so bad as it gives us a chance to see HK a little bit (both have never been) but staying the night in Hong Kong adds up. Hostel beds are like $20-30 a piece at the cheap , tiny , not so nice places in ChungKing Mansions. A place noted for having drug dealers , prostitutes , being the base of shady things for Hong Kong , and if that isn’t bad enough is also a deathtrap if case of fire. Score! On the way back from Vietnam we will make another stop over in HK from 1 am-ish the night of October 8th until 12 noon. Enough time to make it to ChungKing Mansions , sleep , and make it back to the airport to undergo security checks and board our flight.

But you know what? I don’t care. I’m going to Vietnam in a month and a half! Wooo hooo!

We don’t have our visas yet but they are easily obtainable from the Vietnamese Consulate in Shanghai , take 4 days to process , and hit the wallet a bit hard at 400rmb a pop.

Looks like it’s time for me to tighten the belt up a few notches , quit buying pricey imported beers , and eat vegetable soup for a while to afford this trip. ( Good thing DVDs are so cheap here)

Bring it on ‘Nam!

Taiwan 7 Brother – Vegan Food!

While people here in China eat plenty of veggies and eat fairly well health-wise (barely any fatties here ) , it can be tough to be a vegetarian. While ordering tofu sounds like a good choice for the vegetable-oriented among us , keep in mind that small bits of pork and beef are almost certain to be included. Stir-fried spinach sounds good? Yes , but only if you like the small dried shrimp that comes with it. And to make matters worse pretty much all the meals you can get at a restaurant are bound to be cooked in oil that was used to cook meat , or the wok wasn’t cleaned off and animal oils abound in it.  Animal rights aren’t so hot here and people making the choice to not eat animals are pretty much limited to the Buddhist monks eating at their temples.

This may make matters tough for vegans/vegetarians planning on moving to or traveling in China. However , besides home-cooked options , there are a growing number of options available. Like I mentioned earlier , Buddhist temples are a sure-fire way of getting cheap , delicious, vegetarian fare but we have other places as well.

One of these places , recently discovered by me after a mention in That’s Shanghai , is Taiwan 7 Brother . Ohhh man is it good! The menu features a lot of veggie products designed to resemble meat and trick the eater into believing its  meat, inda like Morning Star veggie bacon and spare ribs,  as well as the just straight these are super tasty veggies enjoy dishes.

I sucked down the Spicy Numbing Tofu with fake pork , eggplant with pepper and carrot , and the amazing , thick , Shepard’s Herb ( Not exactly sure what that is ) Soup. The three dishes plus two bowls of rice hit the wallet for 60rmb (~$9.50) and was plenty to stuff two people . It’s a great find for those vegetarians , people who like good food , and people who are looking for healthy dining options ( the food was not loaded with oil like many restaurants here are known for doing ) .

Taiwan 7 Brother can be found at Dapuqiao Line 9 Metro Station’s SML basement found court. It’s tucked away near entrance #2 in the newly opened Taiwan Food Town near the 7/11 . Happy Eatings! (And be jealous all my Ohioan friends , mwhaha!)

Oh , and also in case you were wondering about the name. 7 and older brother are said  qi and ge , respectively.  Qige sounds like Vegan . Taa – daa!