Shanghaiist Killin’ It!

http://shanghaiist.com/2013/01/22/shanghai_laowai_emily_ford_deigns_t.php – Shanghaiist take
http://www.shanghaidaily.com/nsp/Feature/2013/01/21/Enough%2Blaowai%2Bliving%2BIts%2Btime%2Bto%2Bgo%2Blocal%2Bin%2BShanghai/ – original article

Oh my God! Can’t stop laughing. This lady is in an absolutely expat bubble and Shanghaiist is happy to make fun of her.
Quoted is the lady, non-quoted is Shanghaiist

Thank you Shanghaiist!

Shanghai laowai Emily Ford deigns to live like a local for the day

Reading Emily Ford’s latest column in the Shanghai Daily made me picture a deeply self-satisfied, foreigner hating editor who has succeeded in getting a highly qualified writer (Ford is a former Times reporter) to inadvertently confirm every negative stereotype people have of overprivileged, naive laowai living in an expat world of their own.

“I’m at home watching the BBC, eating a Marks & Spencer’s sandwich, when it dawns on me that I may not be living a particularly authentic Chinese life.”

Never mind the fact that I’m sure one could find an awful lot of Chinese people who watch the BBC and shop at Marks & Spencer, I suppose it’s admirable that Ms Ford wants to get more in touch with an “authentic” Chinese lifestyle. Ford, who has been living in Shanghai for over six months, has apparently never stepped outside the expat bubble that she now decries.

“Another drawback of living in laowai land is that it is vastly more expensive, from yuppy cocktail bars to overpriced salad chains and markets running two-tier pricing systems, one for Chinese and one for foreigners. Even taxi drivers sometimes suggest I pay more, on the basis that I am European, and therefore rich. “Enough laowai living,” I think. “It’s time to go local.””

Taxi drivers suggest you pay more on the basis that you got a damn taxi to go 200m in a city with an extensive subway network, and are therefore rich.

“At lunch, I eschew the fancy Western bakery and go to the convenience store instead. What look like dumplings and unidentifiable things on sticks float in little pots of bubbling, brownish-colored liquid. It occurs to me that I would not know how to ask for convenience store food even in English.”

OMG you guys! Chinese food is so weird!

“Emboldened, I decide to take the bus home after work. I have never seen a foreigner on a bus in Shanghai before, partly because taxis are so cheap and also because the timetables are written exclusively in Chinese. “This is the real test,” I think. “This is when you know you’re local.””

Obviously foreigners, who are incapable of reading Chinese or even making such basic preparations as writing their destination down on a piece of paper to check against a timetable or checking a route online beforehand, never get the bus. Ford is a pioneer, a modern day Marco Polo, setting forth on a grand adventure alongside the strange and peculiar natives. Never mind the fact that many buses in China (unlike in Europe) display route maps inside them, have digital displays showing the next stop, and announce the name of the stop when they arrive.

“Several buses pass in the 10 minutes I spend squinting at the timetable. Eventually, I spot two characters which I am fairly sure from part of my address. I catch passers-by looking at me with what I assume must be unadulterated admiration. “Yes that’s right, I’m a foreigner,” I think proudly. “And I’m taking the bus.””

That’s right lowly Chinese plebeians, I, Emily Ford, am taking the bus. Worship me, for I am your new foreign god.

My comments – convenient store food? Dude, eat local and go to a frickin’ Chinese restaurant. Convenient store food in China is not good. It’s shit that has been shitting around for hours, that wasn’t good to begin with. While true that when I ride a bus , I’ve never seen another foreigner on one, her odd comments on catching unadulterated admiration are so whack. Chinese think we are weird if we ride a bus, they don’t admire it at all! Learn to read some Chinese and you won’t have to stare at the timetable for 10mins! HAHAHA

Chinglish Shirts – Always Be Ready

It is vital to always have a camera ready and at hand in China . Cell phone cameras are even better to have in order to obscure your photo taking . This is not to be a perv and creep around , but to capture the sheer genius of Chinglish shirts. Chinese people wear obscene shirts with twisted messages on them , totally oblivious to the meaning of the English words , all the time. You must be ready!

Alas , today , I was not ready . I cannot show you a snapshot of the girl who walked by me wearing an “Abortion Clinic Staff” t-shirt. I am shamed.

To make up for it , I will show you a picture my better prepared friend , Steve , took in Taiwan.

Freedom (sic) Renegaes
Wacko Mania
Guilty Panties

It starts out innocently enough , with a silly typo and a cool sounding “Freedom Renegaes”

Wacko Mania , nice! This girl is totally hip!

Before completely devolving into the bizarre “Guilty Panties”

WHOA!

Where were they going with this one?

Happy Halloween!

Chinglish Change Bags For A BOSS

Found in Nanjing’s Presidential Palace but go to any touristy place in Shanghai and you will find things like this.

No words needed. JUST BUY!

Shanghai Chinglish Park Rules

Park Rules and Regulations of Shanghai Municipality
According to Shanghai Municipal Park Administration Rules, Park visitors should obey the following provisions:
   1. Comply with the Park’s opening and closing time. For entering money-charge Park, the visitor should buy ticket or have relevant voucher. Child under 1.2 m height and people with mental disabilities should not be allowed to enter the Park without accompanies.
   2. Observe the “Seven Don’ts” civilized norms and Citizen moral standards. Don’t piss or paste randomly, neither smear and score, nor remove or destroy the Park’s facilities or equipment. Don’t bare arms and lie down randomly, neither wash nor dry clothes, nor glean and collect scraps or beg in the Park. Don’t divert or swim in the Park’s rivers or lakes. Don’t play ball games or fly kites (except in designated areas).。
   3. Don’t befool, scare or catch birds, crickets, fishes or shrimps (except operational items), cicadas etc.. Without permission, visitor should not bring any kind of animals into the Park. Don’t destroy woods and affect flowers growth carelessly. Don’t pluck or excavate fruits, seeds, clay or drag fro water plants.
   4. Don’t bring guns, ammunition, flammables, explosives and other dangerous items into the Park. Don’t set off crackers, BBQ, encamp in the Park (except in the designated areas).
   5. The visitor’s behavior should not affect other visitors’ activities in the Park. All team activities must follow relevant management department’s regulations. Without permission, don’t make public speck, congregation, donation and other activities. Don’t practice feudalism activities, gambling and other activities expressively forbidden by laws and regulations. Without permission, don’t set up stands, hawk, practice medicine or distribute advertising and publicity materials.
   6. Without permission, all types of vehicles are not allowed to enter the Park (except the wheelchairs for the disabled). When being allowed to enter the Park, the vehicles should be driven very slowly in the Park.
Shanghai Landscape Administration Bureau
This Ordinance shall be promulgated and come into force on Feb. 10th, 2002.

This was gleamed directly from the Shanghai Binjiang Forest Park website and not a word was changed.

Remember it’s very important not to befool any animals or practice feudalism activities!