Better Learn To Hold Your Baijiu Bro!

Warning, this post contains explicit language. I had to put it in order to faithfully display the situation

Wow! What an interesting Tuesday night!

I had just gotten comfy in my bed, all snuggled under the covers at about 11:20pm, when a great deal of drunken laughter and noises sprung up from outside my window. Now, I live on the 5th floor in an old apartment building next to the reasonably quiet, leafy JianGuo Xi Rd. There aren’t any bars or such right in the vicinity, but sometimes a bit of late night drunken conversation floats up from the street below. No big deal. They usually walk past and the noise fades away. Not Tuesday night. After a few minutes, super loud music plus bass starts blaring away outside. Dang, my building is 6 stories tall and I hear that music clear as day on the 5th floor. Everyone in my entire apartment complex can definitely hear that, most of them are kinda old. This is really obnoxious.

I can’t tell what language the music was in and it sounded rather indy. In the background, behind the music, I could hear rather unintelligible shouts and some snatches of poor Chinese. My racist self thought , “Damned Foreigners” “Must be the French” Expats tend to drink a lot, and I’m not sure why I thought French. Maybe because the music sounded hip. Anyways, after about 10 minutes of this, I take a look out my window at the scene below. Holy crap! No wonder the music is so loud. There is a car parked on the side of the street with all the doors open, blaring music, and there are like 5 or 6 wasted Chinese being complete idiots. I shut the window and lay back down. 10 more minutes pass, then the music goes down a bit, but the yelling persists. The lull lasted about a minute, the music is up full blast again. I wait another 10 minutes and then head over to the window again to look out. Now the music goes down again, and one of the group- a big guy probably in his 40s has grabbed one of the potted small trees from the sidewalk, knocked it over, and is in the process of smashing it by jumping up and down on it(while drunkenly falling) while a lady (presumably his wife) is shrieking with laughter. Just then I notice the the red and blue flashing of two motorcycle cops that have pulled over into the bike lane on the opposite side of the one-way street. I can’t hear what the cops start to say, but the driver of the car realizes he should probably get out of there. The driver shouts over to the cops something about how he will get out of there right away and maybe a sorry. As some of the people get into the car and prepare to leave, the big guy is still smashing the tree and is is shouting at max volume in Shanghainese “Hey fuck you cops!” “I’m fucking smashing this tree” “Fuck your mothers! “Fuck you!” “Come and fucking fine me!” The driver drunkenly stumbles over to the car and drives away. Yes, I could tell he was wasted from the 5th floor, and the cops just let them leave. Ok, music taken care of. I was getting ready for the show! An absolute piss-drunk asshole screaming obscenities at the cops while smashing public property? His ass is getting beat and going to jail! Wrong. The cops look at him doing this and procede to drive away. What?

Now there was just a very wasted guy left screaming in the street. Still not very conducive to sleep. I retreat back to bed, hoping it will be over soon. Time passes, it doesn’t stop. My girlfriend and I go back to the window and she shouts out (In Chinese) “Shut the hell up! There are people trying to sleep, idiot!” The guy looks stunned. Like he is amazed someone would challenge him. He glances around and shouts , “Hey, who swore at me?!” He glances upwards and sees us. He lets out a torrent of rage our way. He screams (In Shanghainese) over and over again “Fuck you , fuck your mother, fuck you, fuck your mother, fuck you, fuck your mother.” My girlfriend is furious now. She yells back “Go to hell, you piece of shit” and storms back to the bed (the bed is right by the window). I’m left there and I just look at the guy. He notices I’m foreign and now starts to mix up the “Fuck you, fuck your mom” in Shanghainese with a heavily accented “fuck you” in English. He then starts to scream in Mandarin “come out of that building and fight!” “fuck your mother” in Shanghainese, and “fuck you” in English at me. I didn’t even say a word to him. After a few minutes of this, I slip out of sight. He doesn’t stop. I’m getting a bit worried that he will throw something at the window or try to break into the building. Our lady security guard for the building wouldn’t have much of a stopping effect against him.

I would have loved to chuck some glass beer bottles at him but it wouldn’t have helped things. Seeing as how this is China, then police would then have probably come back, ignored the guy, and then come up to my apartment and arrested me for chucking the bottles. I choose the smarter option and slunk back into bed. We laid there for a good 10 minutes while the guy continued to shout. Then I guess his wife managed to drag him away, but the whole time we could hear him saying “fuck your mother” in Shanghainese, just getting fainter as he got further. Finally it stopped. Now, my heart is beating pretty hard and I can’t fall back asleep. We lay there nervously. 5 minutes later the shouting starts again right under our window! Fortunately, it started to die out after another minute.

Damn!

That’s the story. Wake up a 100 people (probably more, those 28 high rises down the street could probably hear all that racket) at night, blare loud as hell music for 20-25 minutes, smash property, drive drunk, scream swear words at police, threaten citizens, and nothing happens! You get away with it all! Congratulations!

I guess I have some rather choice words for those worthless Shanghai police.

You can probably guess what they are.

Workin’ with Sherpa’s!

So it’s official, I’ve started work as the Sherpa’s Social Media Editor. I’m not controlling those hardy Nepalese mountain dudes’ Facebook profiles, but rather the Shanghai, Beijing, and Suzhou based food delivery services’! Woo hoo!

I’m not gonna lie, it’s been pretty damn exhausting, and quite overwhelming first getting into it, but I feel like I’m catching onto things. Kind of intimidating to hit the post button when my news gets out to potentially tens of thousands of people. I’m being my own grammar nazi.

Right now, I’m responsible for updating the news on the official company ordering website – http://www.sherpa.com.cn , creating promotions and news on the company blog – http://www.blog.sherpa.com.cn , and working my magic with the company Facebook profile page (search for Sherpa’s Food Delivery). Once we get things totally running, we plan to expand to various other platforms.

It definitely takes more time, is more work, and pays less than my breezy kindergarten job, but it’s totally awesome. It’s also got some pretty killer perks too. Free Sherpa’s cash to do “official product testing”? Cha-ching! Plus, it’s pretty cool to learn about and get an insider view at all the different restaurants in the three cities.

If you live in Shanghai, Beijing, or Suzhou, check out the blog and follow our Facebook posts to enter in a bunch of contests to win Sherpa’s vouchers, free beer, and more! If you don’t, well, we’re always glad for the support, and hopefully we’ll share some interesting stuff on our Facebook feed.

Now, I’m dead tired. Sleeeep.

Moment of the Day – Impatience

I’ve mastered a few little techniques and individual station strategies to survive the Shanghai metro. These are especially important during the dreaded rush hour. Fortunately I’m done earlier than the majority of people so I only have to deal with the rush in the morning commute. It’s still a pretty awful way to start a day though.

Anyways, to get to work I have to switch from Line 7 to Line 4 at the Dong An Lu station. I’ve discovered that there tends to be fewer people waiting to board the train as well as already on the train at the front and end carriages of the train. At the Dong An Lu station there is an awful restroom that stinks to high heaven which people have to wait in front of in order to board the front of the train. The combo of distance walked from the transfer stairs plus the stench keeps people away. I deal with it because I feel it’s better than being pushed and shoved into a tiny cramped space with a bunch of rude fools .

The restrooms are very small and usually the doors are left open. This was the case today. I board the train and while I’m waiting for the train doors to shut so we can be on our way, a woman in her early 20s emerges from her stall (the only stall). She is greeted by an old lady who stands directly in her way and says in a nails on chalkboard kind of voice, “You’re too slow!!!!” ( In Chinese of course). The younger woman just looks at the lady with a look of scorn and disdain and slips past the miserable old hag. The metro door slides shut and I’m laughing.

What a bitch! What is the point of being so rude and saying that? Accept it, and use the available facilities. If I found myself in that situation , I would probably also slip right past the jerk and not say a word either. The temptation to exclaim “OOOOH DIARRHEA” and slip back into the stall to make the cranky one wait for a good 10 , 15 minutes extra does arise though , especially if I have a good book πŸ™‚ . Careful people , you reap what you sow!

WordPress 3.5 Problems

Anyone notice the new WordPress update that rolled in a few days ago?

It’s a pretty radical change and one that seems a hell of a lot better.

I really enjoyed using it for a day or two until the functionality totally broke. Is anyone else having problems with this?
Now if I try to upload images into a post the first image will start and then hang. I also cannot load the media library from inside the post. However, I can view my media library and upload things into the media library if I use the new Media section on the left hand toolbar. But I can’t put images inside my post!!

I’ve tried clearing browser caches and cookies to no avail. I’ve been scouring the internet for fixes and haven’t stumbled upon anything remotely helpful. What to do?!?!?

I want to keep on the blogging!

UPDATE – I should probably add that since I’m behind the Great Firewall of China I use a web based VPN service , Securitales , to access WordPress. This didn’t cause any major problems previously though.

Continuing Technical Difficulties

Well everyone , sorry for the lack of posts recently but my wordpress is on the fritz. The media uploader is not living up to its name and consequently I’m stuck with words and no pictures. Seeing as how a picture is worth a thousand words this is simply no good.

I’ll be posting with pictures as soon as I possibly can 😦

Anyone else in China accessing wordpress through a vpn having problems?

Turkey Day

Was Thanksgiving Day at Boxing Cat Brewery worth the 400 rmb?

Yes. yes it was.

Staff handled things really well , the interior ambiance was great ( love that fireplace) , we had little candles burning on every table , and most importantly there was tons of amazing food with free flow microbrews , wine , and spirits.

Highlights of the meal include: apple granola cobbler , pumpkin pie , bourbon cranberry compote (best cranberries of my life and I love cranberries) and of course the mash and turkey. I’m so happy the food was spot on American Thanksgiving.

Ah Shanghai! I’m thankful for you ( just not for my landlord).

Dear Idiots

Laws.
Rules.

As teenagers they all seem made to be broken. Some are stupid , arbitrary, and down right nasty. The longer I live in Shanghai , the more I come to despair at the utter disregard that a certain set of them receive.

Traffic Laws.

Tell that to my 18-year-old self speeding on the highway and I probably would have laughed.

After two and a half years of watching pure stupidity at wheels , I’ve come to hold traffic laws in a brighter light.

This one’s for you , Mr.Idiot on a motorbike.

Dear Moron,

I spotted you at the intersection of West JianGuo Rd. and 2nd Ruijin Rd. Do you remember me? Probably not as you were blatantly disregarding the red light in front of you ( it means stop!) and the pedestrians crossing the road. Perhaps you may recall the one blond head in the sea of black hairs. That was me.

You probably haven’t heard of the American saying used in my youth , “No Cop , No Stop”. But I’ll go ahead and inform you right now that only is applicable when in the middle of nowhere. In the kind of place where farm animals outnumber the people and the only thing in sight is corn , not in the middle of a city of 23 million people.

In your defence , you could have been trying to turn right and in China there is no stop on red rule before making a right hand turn. It would certainly be a great idea , and it would save us pedestrians a lot of grief but we pedestrians know that you drivers are in such a hurry to do such important things as ; gossip , play mahjong , chain smoke , and spit. These things are arguably more important than any grievous bodily harm that may come our way. However , you weren’t making a right hand turn! You were making a left hand on red through traffic! And it wasn’t a gun-it-on yellow kind of deal. That was a stale red light buddy. That’s why when the taxi almost slammed into you, and came to a skidding stop a meter in front of you because you were in the middle of the intersection , I laughed.

My pleasure quickly turned sour when you glared at the taxi while he honked his horn. Like you were being wrongly affronted , insulted, and accused. That simmering look you gave him could have sizzled the oil in my wok. That’s the point of time when I yelled, “F*ck you, You idiot! at you. I couldn’t stand that look you were giving him , Mr.Almost-Hit-Me-And-Then-Almost-Causing-Yourself-To-Be-Killed. Usually I would glare at the stupid taxi drivers too but not this time. I know you probably didn’t hear me ,and then anyways probably wouldn’t have understood , but it still felt good.

Your Biggest Fan ,

Roomaomao

It’s important to try to defend my walking/biking safety seeing as how the metro just turned into a war zone. It just got personal. Blood was shed. Yes, on the metro.

My good friend L-Dawg was just recently pushed to the ground hard enough to break her skin. A fellow rider knocked her down, and her knee struck the gap in between subway car and station platform. This fellow did not offer to help her up but instead an actual good Samaritan (too rare in China) gave her a helping hand. The pusher didn’t say a word to my friend , didn’t try to help , avoided her look , and slunk off with his tail between his legs to hide. Real great guy.

Will the traffic and behavior of the citizens of China ever change? Any fellow expats have comments on this?

Google imaged this photo
By Maciej Dakowicz
opentravel.com